Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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