The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I wear drunk well.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize