Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize