you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I FOUND THE LEGS
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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