i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
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You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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