we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
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she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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