Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize