Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize