Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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