I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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