It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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