ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
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i just made my gag reflex go away.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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