I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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