I'm really into asian looking animals
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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