thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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