Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize