Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
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Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
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I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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