When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
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Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
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