I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
3 2 1 whiskey
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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