Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
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Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
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If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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