Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize