So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
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he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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