My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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