I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize