my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
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My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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