I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize