its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
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I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
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Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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