I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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