I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
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Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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