My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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