I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
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You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
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should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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