She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize