Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
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I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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