if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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