I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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