It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize