you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
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I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
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The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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