just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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