HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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