i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
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last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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