if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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