Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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