I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize