guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
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You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
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Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i need some magic done to my vagina
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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