she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize