Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize