I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think I won the penis lottery.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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