Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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