My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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