You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize